Saturday, October 08, 2005
The third instalment in the 55-word tag.
Three
The little girl was looking out the half-open window.
Warm sunshine, filtered through glass, caressed her shoulder.
She pointed a lone cloud out to no one in particular.
A hawk circled overhead, casting a faint shadow on the pallid ground.
The murmur of two voices behind her became shouts.
Outside, the wind went whoosh!
October 09, 2005 2:03 pm
Hey Aditya,
Maybe I am not able to really grasp those 55-word stories that you write, but where I find them lose the value (purely my opinion) is that the last line doesnt have the necessary punch.
(I know nothing about writing). Can u start from the climax and then write back?
Still as one of ur link says, a few of them will end up being really good? Good luck
Jammy (jammy_ak@ya...)
October 10, 2005 10:25 am
@Finchy: Thanks.
@Jammy: Thanks for the feedback. It doesn't matter if, as you say, you know nothing about writing - you probably do know about reading (after all, you do read my blog), and a reader's feedback is what a writer wants.
Interestingly, I wrote this story exactly the way you said I should have - I started from the last sentence, and worked back line by line - I was experimenting with that technique.
Anyway, let's see how good these stories end up being. The next story is due sometime next week, with a few regular posts in between - I really need to get back to non-fiction blogging. I miss the long comments. :)
October 10, 2005 10:27 am
Well, there are allot 55 word stories going around, but this definitely one of the better one I've read so far.
So tell me Aditya, were are you studying in Pune. I was studying in MIT [Pune] for a while before I quit. Engineering not for me.
Anyways, see you around.
October 10, 2005 6:52 pm
@ Aditya,
One thought. See if it right:
If I read the last two lines I think that should increase the content and be linked. Eg: "Outside, the wind.." ok: why or due to what? "The murmur.... shouts", I could not conect that one.
The first 4 sentences are connected, but the last two are totally seperated.
--Jammy
October 10, 2005 6:56 pm
Ah.. but story II looks really good.
Jammy
October 11, 2005 10:52 am
@Akshay: Thanks for the compliment. I study in Arts at Garware College. I used to study Science till I realised it wasn't for me. I do, however, still take a layman's interest in it.
@Jammy: I guess in some ways you are indeed right. The original version of the story was 78 words long, and was, in my opinion at least, more coherent. But I feel that this version wins over that one in the ambiguity aspect (in that there is more of it here). I don't quite know about the disconnection. Maybe I'll get more of a perspective as time goes on.
Thanks for the compliment on story 2 - that one's my personal favourite yet.
@Finchy: Thanks again.
October 17, 2005 12:28 am
sorry man. I liked most of the blogs of yours but the 3rd 55 line story went way over my head.
October 17, 2005 2:29 pm
@Anonymous: I am guessing this is Jammy. If it is, then it's okay, and thanks for the feedback - keep commenting.
If it isn't, then my reply is basically the one I gave to Jammy. Opinions can vary - I myself am a bit unsure about this story, but I'm going to let it stay like this. Thanks for the feedback - keep commenting.