Sunday, December 18, 2005
Being (One of) the Last Post(s) of the YearPosted by Aditya Bidikar | 9:23 AM
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A friend gave me the soundtrack to all three Lord of the Rings movies a few days ago, so currently I am labouring under illusions of grandiloquence and immense nobility. So I will do the only sensible thing and be silly – be very silly.
This particular observation has been made individually as well as collectively by approximately half the population of earth, but it stands repeating. I haven’t seen it elsewhere on the blogosphere, and I don’t wish our descendants from the future, who might not be familiar with it, to forget this particular gem because their ancestors thought it was too obvious to write down.
People get incredibly randy in the winter months (December-February). The major proof – the number of people who have their birthdays in September and October (subtract nine months and so on). In India, we see that marriage is a reflex reaction to randiness, and the number of marriages also goes up, as I can personally testify.
Do feel free to worship me for my brilliance.
Vague resolutions for the New Year:
1) I promise to drive safe.
2) I promise not to bang my head on my desk too loudly. (The neighbours will be happier.)
3) I promise to convert at least one of my friends to regular deodorant use.
Bidi Uncle’s Advice Column for the New Year:
1) Dogs probably feel the need to commit suicide just like us humans. So make sure that you run over at least one dog every week. Dogs love cars. Let’s make their ends more fun.
2) Convert at least one of your friends to regular deodorant use. (If this fails, proceed to 4.)
3) Be clever.
4) Convince at least one person to go live in the mountains.
5) Try to do one intelligently silly thing every week.
If you, like me, hate people writing about ‘sullen mouths’, ‘petulant shoulders’, ‘sad windows’ and other such incompetent transferred epithets, do read these two pseudo-fan fictions by Gail Simone. Gail Simone is an excellent comic writer, and she used to write a column about the comic book industry called ‘You’ll All Be Sorry’. If you like the two I pointed out, and have some knowledge of comics, do take the trouble to read the others. They are worth it.
In a nod to traditional blog tradition (I think typing similar words twice is very funny – did I mention that right now I’m practicing my drinking for New Year’s?), I will post some profound lyrics that I very much like. This is the first such doohicky on my blog, and probably the last as well.
Important note: While reading this, imagine I am looking right in your eyes and saying, “I mean it.”
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I’ll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you oralize
When I’m between your thighs.
You blow me away.
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I’ll sit on your face and then I’ll love you truly.
Life can be fine if we both 69,
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play
Till we’re blown away.